Chasing Grim

[Haleigh Fox]

Blood. Wounds. Wailing. To smell the metallic scent of blood, to glimpse cuts of flesh and crushed bones, to listen painful screams and backbreaking sobs--All of these, I have grown up feeling, bleeding, crying, suffering, despairing and contrarily, loving. It wasn't pleasure driven from pain, nor it did sprang from the sight of the exposed flesh and bones. It was the satisfaction of being psyched up that death draws nearer, as I exert my efforts to have my neck kissed by The Scythe, at least, in my own belief. Appeased by these palliative pursuits to satisfy my soul who wants to break free from this damned body, I continue to chase Grim even on my blind path.

...and the chase continues.

I strode beneath the leafless trees, who shed their greens while the winter cold came. For a second, I envied them--that they experience the cycle of seasons, that they experience progress and decline, they they feel the piercing cold and the stabbing heat, that they encounter deterioration and decay, that the winter kills them. I hoped the cold bites my hands and feet. I hoped the cold freezes my blood. I hoped the cold cramps my heart until it stops beating. I hoped that I could just die in the cold, like these trees.

With all the hope, I took steps away from my envied ones as I look down on the cold tiled pavement that looked gray, hard and LIFELESS. I am mad as a hatter, since I wanted to be part of the pavement. I wanted to lie on it and feel being one with it. I wanted to be decomposed and embrace the life of the lifeless ground.

I am aware of the vanity of my hopes. Yes, I hope in despair. I hope in nothing but bullshit.

Fjck death!

I will capture... rather, YOU will learn to capture me, eventually.

I looked along the course of my walk and saw a small building tagged with the name INFIRMARY in front. I drew blankness of my face and felt like stopping my breath. It was my usual expression whenever I begin to have those blueprints in my head. My irises widened and had a clearer sight as I walked in light, yet heavy with despair, steps toward the infirmary--with a Grimly curve on the edge of my lips.

[__& &" R e a s o n]

The long day ended with a nice sleep in an unsual place. The dorm rooms. True that the academy buildings and grounds are about the same as her elite school in Paris, but no. It just feels different, for the beds are shabby and dull. Small and cramped. What's more, it has got no means of entertainment. It was, in other words, boring. Up to the high standards of boring. Though it wasn't that bad for she had packed her safety anti-boredom precautions.

So what if she just came from the airport, took a maxi-private cab and settled her luggage, which she had to carry herself, since there's no such things as porters. She could still be entertaining herself with her portable DVD player. But no. The stupid emotion-less pink robot just had to knock, and bust her door open just to tell her to sleep. Was that even normal? She thinks it wasn't. No matter how late it was, she always gets away with the knowledge of the maids and butlers are not to order her, for she is the child of the house-owner.

The early sun kissed the blessed land, radiating its light to the winter season, which did not really penetrate its rays through the windows as well as the other seasons. That is the land of the Rising Sun for her. Normally, days would be a lot shorter compared to the summer ones.

She got up from her bed lazily, taking little steps to the bathroom, as she turned on the bathroom heater before slipping off her room slippers and on her bathoom slippers. The chills came from the back of her spine as the winter morning was real cold, for her to not wear her gown. She looked at herself in front of the mirror. Messy.

Exiting the bathroom, she took out a hanger, which had clothes for her to wear for the day. Taking a light shower, then drying, slipping her clothes on. A red and black checked skirt, white frill-collared blouse and an overcoat to keep herself warm for the rest of the day. Her stockings were black and her hair was curled, half tied with a black and red checked ribbon.

She stepped out of the dorm room, wearing black, newly polished shoes and a brown file, which had her medical documents inside. She stroded quietly outside the dorms and into the infirmary building. She entered the antiseptic-scented white building, as she came to the front office, where only one person, was there, on the telephone.

[Haleigh Fox]

All these days, one thing's only running in my mind. I have all but one hope--the hope that would end all of this for good. I want to die! Now! Not a second after... or after awhile. I want it NOW! I want everything cursed about me to end. I want to escape from this filthy useless life.

Why am I being punished like this? Why did I have to be as fjckingly invulnerable as this? Of all people, why did it have to be me? Why did it have to be this useless life of mine? Why? Why? Freaking why?!

This girl only wanted a simple and normal life, after being held 'captive' from the harsh world and after that tragic accident. I did want to forget all those miseries after that. I was all ready to move on. My heart used to be open to how life may see and treat me. I thought everything was going according to what I hoped; but, look now...

...

Death, who was disliked by all, feared by all, has turned his face away from me. He left me hanging--trapped in world of miseries. I have always been prepared and willing to let go of my hold and take the fall but he never let me. He glued my hand on the edge of the cliff. I am tired. My hand feels so wasted and weak; yet, my body still continues to live.

The attempts to lure Death has not finished. I know, I may not be able to make him pull me down suddenly; but, I am hoping that, at least, I can lower my self down inch by inch until he finally wrecks me down into the dark ravine below--the place where I could rest finally.

As I walked entering the infirmary thoughts started to build up in my head. I don't feel anything sick. Oh, NO! I DO feel sick--wicked sick against my self, wicked sick against my body, wicked sick against my life. But that isn't the kind of 'sick' that I wanted.

I walked in the lobby. Thud. I fell. On the floor. Catching my breath.

Now... that act was really wicked sick.

[__& &" R e a s o n]

"Sorry to make you wait. Why are you here today?"

The registrar spoke, as she whirlled her chair around from the telephone and to the front desk, where Maho had stood patiently. She placed a smile on her face, somewhat suiting her stance. He brushed away her locks from her shoulder and placed the brown document on the table.

"I'm here to hand in my medical documents."

She said as she clasped her hands back together, after leaving the brown A4 envelope on the desk. The lady took the document and opened it, taking a quick peak, before taking the pages out of the brown envelope. She scanned it quickly, then took a quick look at Maho.

"Thank you, miss Sakuishi." The registrar said. "I'll put this in the file."

She placed back the pages inside the brown envelope, then getting up to file the documents in the filing cabinets. It was when she opened the filing cabinet that a girl had dropped down on the floor of the infirmary lobby.

'Great coincidence'

She thought to herself as she turned around to see the girl. Her locks falling to her shoulders once more. She manouvered around to face the girl, as the registrar left her documents on top of the filing cabinet, and not in it. Even though it was already opened. Why won't she place it inside rather than the top anyway?

She displayed an emotionless face, as if she was too angelic to know what happened. So she couldn't make a surprised face. It's not like she is surprised, it's probably an act. Since when do people start flopping in front of the infirmary? She sighed quietly without opening her mouth, as she kept the emotionless face, with great care so that her 'mask' will not 'slip'.

[Haleigh Fox]

I finally produced some sickness--a sickness that is not really a straight key to luring Death; because it isn't a key after all. Meaning, it was simply an act, to appear ill. Everything is part of my plan. Look at it as if I had already released the reel, while the bait slowly sinks deep down to the water level where MY target 'fish' has been swimming.

That is not all. The staged syncope was just the hors d'oeuvre, meant to attract attention. A little more twitching and moaning and the act would be a perfect ten. The 'concerned' will eventually be concerned and start to ask for questions, "How are you feeling?" After that, everything will go smoothly... and me, smoothly out of this cursed life. I hope that no attention-seeker is threatened by this little moment of mine.

"Mmmph! It hurts!..."

Tears fell.

[__& &" R e a s o n]

A tug pulled the corner of her lips as she rolled her eyes. She did not have a good night last night, with all the warning already given to her, even though she just arrived. What's wrong with a little entertainment anyway? Besides, who doesn't violate school rules sometimes. Watching movies with DVD players gives you warning, does that mean that if she doesn't help this girl, she'll get another warning? She scoffed quietly.

'Better go to detention rather than helping.'

Even though she just stood there, simply acting; pretending to be surprised, the registrar was not. She had a worried look on her face, as she was scared to touch the, supposedly ill or injured girl.

"CALL SOMEONE!"

She ordered. Maho clenched her fists. Not very happy with the way she shouted. Not like this aristocrat was one to be ordered. It's more like, she orders whilst they follow her orders. She didn't like it. Even so, her mask was fixed, and it always will be. Never a time would it slip. She was determined.

The reddish-brown haired quickly nodded as she flipped strands of her hair back before breaking into a run through the antiseptic, clean looking corridors of the infirmary.

--

Around fifteen minuets after, she came back with doctors, pushing a trolley bed for the ill girl to lie down on. The doctors who were rushing, and Maho was only speed-walking her way back. She didn't want to be involved in any other way.

Once again hiding the sour face with a 'worried' look.

'Darn this'

She cursed once more. Not liking how the system goes in this school. Yet classes haven't even started, and she's already disliking it? Maybe the classes are better than the socializing. Heck, can this actually be called socializing? She couldn't wait to get out of the place.

[Haleigh Fox]

Whimpers.

That could have been the title of my staged act, while wiling the people around me to actualize my plan towards self-deterioration. I mimicked a tortured man grumbling and moaning in grim pain. I let out some of my endless tears that may have been dried out already ever since. I purposely weakened my stance to appear helpless and troubled. I rapidly gasped for air and labored the dramatic rise and fall of my chest. It was the typical scene of a severely ill-stricken man. I may not be that much of an actor but I do hope that I did good.

...

And the fish caught the bait.

...

No, the bait caught the fish.

A figure, who seemed to be lingering around--or whatever she does, I don't really care--showed some sweet concern, what I really needed. I was frowning my eyes, facing the floor, curled to guard my pseudo-painful body; so, I couldn't look at her. I couldn't see her face. She is, well, sort of, my savior. I may need to, at least, be acquainted to her semblance--or does it really matter? After I have successfully squeezed out this, I won't be able to thank her, would I? It's not like I would approach her after this saying, "I appreciate how you went with the flow. I can die now." But she did her part well. The best thing I could do in return is to thank her, at least, in my thoughts.

Thereafter, the concerned came. Hell good! My sight was focused on one thing they were bringing with them--the stretcher. Those four wheels, the high-set bed, the white linens, the intravenous stand and the soft pillow. Indeed, it was a stretcher. I started to imagine things: myself being laid on it, people around me getting worried, the sound of the rolling squeaking wheels and the fast transition of the walls and the ceiling.

...

I stopped imagining and was surprised to see myself already in the treatment room. The doctor and his nurse peered at me with worried faces painted on them. The nurse had her caressing hands on my shoulder and cheeks; while the doctor frowns with scrutiny and seemingly... confused? His expression sort of threatened me; so, I purposely intensified my 'suffering'. I twitched. I moaned. I sobbed. I whimpered in made-up pain.

I don't have problems with the nurse. She appeared gullible and pretty convinced. However, I just hate how the doctor reacted. He seemed distrustful of me as he seemed itching to initiate a talk with me first.

Screw these people. Where are the medicines? The analgesics? Isn't it about time for them to give it seeing someone in 'severe pain'? What are they waiting for? Sh*t...

Preemptive strike carried out, "Mmmph! I can't stand it! The pain... Do something... Please..."

[__& &" R e a s o n]

She could only stand and watch from the door of the whining girl's treatment room. Not even 'checking' if she's really sick or not, but she was already sick of it. Whilst every attention was to the other girl and not to her, she took off her mask, revealing the unpleasant feeling she had longed to show.

So she was dragged to simply watch and observe. So what? She couldn't care less about this girl. Wether she only wants attention or she is really truthfully sick, she couldn't care less. Her arms beside her once more, close to her petite frame, covered by the black and red coat, she clenched her fists once more. Placing back her mask as she had enough enlightening by taking it off. The doctors and nurses were too busy to even notice her anyway.

Although, the expression on the doctor's face confirmed that the girl was nothing but a mere faker. She lied. And how could the nurse, no, registrar, be so darn gullible? She, as a regstrar, should question one before they even pull out the stretcher, sparing a room for a fake.

She didn't like it.

It was sickening.

She threw her face away from the sight and gazed out the far window which was opened to let 'fresh air' in. It was said that natural composition of gasses that nature made was better than the room's air. Heck, room's air would be fine if it is for this patient. Whom is not even a patient, mind you.

She observed once more.

Whimpering, whining.

She was sure that no one does those kind of expressions when they are sick or injured nowdays. Even the biggest whimp of the whimps wouldn't do that. She simply cocked her head to the side, keeping her mouth shut, with the knowledge of her, not having anything to talk about. She wasn't into nursing and biology, though she has the ability to heal people.

Not that her powers are necessary here anyway.

Her frame was covered by the bodies of the nurse and doctors. She was lucky she's small. Though barely seeing the girl, as the backs of the labourers were in her sight's way. She didn't care, the voice itself was prove enough. She sighed, not opening her mouth or making a sound.

[Haleigh Fox]

Pain--surges of pain enervated the rest of my body.

That was all part of the script; and it could have been very much effective if it isn't because of certain flaws. It was imperfect to the clinical eye. My skin did not cooperate properly. It wasn't sweating out beads of water. My heart was uncooperative too. Making my pulse speed up beyond normal would be more convincing. Figures why the doctor did have the hunch of a cooked-up act.

But, mind you, pain is still subjective.

No one can really tell about how I really feel unless they would feel it too. No one can rebut my expression. After all, it is only me who can feel it. And because of that, I presume their resort to giving placebos. Not really the likes that can relieve pain. Whatever they would be giving, I don't give a damn. As long as they would do what I expected in my plan.

...

"Ms. Fox, your history...", the nurse blurted out, her worried face erased out.

Oh God. I know what she was about to tell me. It is the truth that would void all of this stupidity. It is the truth that would slap my failure to my face. It is the truth that would keep me hanging on the cliff of Death. It is the truth that will keep me playing in this nonsense game of life where I am constantly losing.

I lost again... did I?

[__& &" R e a s o n]

Rolling her eyes, sighing. She couldn't bear to see anymore of this nonsense. She was fed of. He gulped as to sooth her throat which was dying to spit out a sentence or two at the girls' act. Mind you, it may not be very nice, seeing as it is coming from her lips, the tongue, which was considered to be the most lethal weapon the earth can ever create.

She walked up to where the girl was lying wincing in pain. Sighing once more as she eyed the pathethic girl. She was somewhat pitying her, but not in a good way. She brushed her hair aside from her shoulder as the nurse spoke up about the other girl's history.

"Just give her what she wants."

Maho blurted sharply.

"Look, okay. Just give her the darn painkillers."

She scavanged around the drawers and displays of the infirmary room which is supposedly completely equiped with everything needed. If everything was really there, then painkillers would be too. She opened the drawer at the far end, finding boxes and bottles of painkillers.

Taking one of the small box out, she walked back up near the bed and tossed the box to the girl. Hoping that she can go out, back to the front desk once more and finish up her medical reports and other documentations regarding her health.

[Haleigh Fox]

For a second, I thought the nurse would deliver my downfall for all the people around to hear. I felt it would be embarrassing if that had happened. But thanks to this girl, she redeemed me. I'm just glad that there are still people who could read subtle social cues and can easily go with the way their fellow wants it to be. And that was what she just did--scoured for some painkillers and tossed them at me.

I drew some hints of relief on my face and a pair of deep thankful eyes as I clutched the bottle of painkillers on my chest. To make the act more convincing, I addressed a simple message of gratitude, "Thank you. This is what I really needed", still with some melancholy traced in the softness of my voice.

However, the school doctor suddenly spoke in objection.

"Ms. Sakuishi, you can't just rummage clinic property like that; and medicines are not dispensed without my prescription", the latter clause directed to me.

I made a disappointed yet frowning expression as I handed back the bottle of analgesics. Truth is, I don't really mind the painkillers. After all, I was not really in pain to begin with, am I? I just thought I could use it as some alibi as I go through this.

Nevertheless, I took my next step to advance everything. I made another painful expression, curled up to guard my falsely aching abdomen and turned against the doctor. I grasped the folds of the bed sheet with slight trembling and let out faint sobs. All of these, to convince him to prescribe the medicines and impose bed rest on me--hopefully.

...

[__& &" R e a s o n]

"Ms. Sakuishi, you can't just rummage clinic property like that; and medicines are not dispensed without my prescription"

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She said in a tone that made it sound convincing. "She was in so much pain that she needed them, though."

She quickly snapped like so, just to get out of the building, which was leaving an impact on her already. Though she could really just use her alice and go away could she not? Though that would mean that she would be put on a restriction.

She knew about all of this and studied hard about them. Aparently they don't let you off in the detention building either. She wasn't that concerned of it. Sure, she could be labeled a delinquent and she wouldn't mind, but she doesn't want her mask to slip so soon, now, would she.

Placing her hand over her mouth as the fingers spreaded, she placed her other hand behind her back and smiled sweetly. Like that of a girl of four.

"Are painkillers that expensive?" She asked once again.

Her accent, ever so british like that of her parents. It was noticable, the way she talked. She could go down on lower and higher octaves. Though she n purposely set it on a lower one, so that she could sing higher ones. Although her voice wouldn't be classified as 'low'.

"Because if they are, then I understand why we would need prescription for it. However, as far as I am concerned, you could get painkillers for cheap, doctor."

[Haleigh Fox]

I figured why the doctor said that. He has his reasons, i presume. First, he is aware on how my alice works--that I may be experiencing pain yet it's brief and sudden. They know that whatever damage my body gets which is substantially resulting to pain, is easily repaired and thus, the pain disappears easily as well. Second, the medicines they must be using are not the usual medicines manufactured in the 'normal' world. After all, this is Alice Academy. I can imagine how specially formulated those medicines are--which intrigues me...

Are the narcotics specially manufactured too?
I hope not.

Then finally, the doctor gave in to my need.
"Alright, alright. I guess I couldn't simply ignore your need. I'll ask the nurse to give you one tablet for the moment and we'll observe accordingly. I hope it helps you to get better."

I made a faint smile.